SCHOOL. thats what its all bout.

2006-10-06T10:58:00.000-07:00

FREEDOM

2006-10-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

FREEDOM.

a one liner from the song desperado:
freedom. oh freedom. thats just some pple talking.
your prison is walking. thru this world all alone.

LOVES THAT SONG LIKE TOTALLY!
its nice.
=D

esp this part.
desperado. why dont you come to your senses.
come down from your fences.
open the gate.
it may be rainning, but there's a rainbow above you.
you better let somebody love you.
before its too late.

can get it to SING FOR YOU if u want. haha. =X

ANYWAYS!
PROMOS FINALLY OVER!

omg.
i feel so guilty. i wished i had studied harder.
than i'd prolly feel happier now that its over.
but what the hey.
I STILL FEEL HAPPY.

HECK.
fail chem then fail lor.
NO CHOICE. haha.
freaking difficult.
EVIL PAUL CHONG! he's weird.

anyways. another happy day!
pictures time!

gee. i realised i do love ac afterall. sheesh. typical patriotic ACsian. oh wells. what can i say! haha. its been a rollercoaster ride of 7 mths since 2nd intake on march. many ups and downs. more ups now.

it quite scary looking back.
the way i plunged into the depths of depression.
actually. it happened quite gradually. and after that it was just a downhill ride for me.
first. i didnt know what crazy thing went into me and i actually chose RJ instead of HC where all my fellow nanyang friends where. like WHAT WAS I THINKING! i knew i never wanted to be in rj. didnt even CONSIDER it cos i knew i'd be overwhelmed by the swarming rg n ri population there. didnt even go open house. i ALWAYS wanted to go hc. even tried for dsa but failed. =X haha.
rj was a very spur of the moment decision. like a week before i submitted my choices. i suddenly thought : why not rj! rj sounds nice. and alot of pple told me i looke more RJian than HCian. cos after all. CHEENA IS NOT MY THANG. even tho i fit in very well in nanyang and found great friends like monica, genevieve and many others. deep down i know i have SOME kinda frequency difference with pple like kiamian. not that i dont like her. i do like her! KIAMIAN OF FOUR YEARS! haha. classmates for 4 years!!! just that. the stuff we talk bout, music we listen, shows we watch. ALL DIFFERENT. not that its a bad thing. it made me BILLINGUAL! and scored DISTINCTION for chinese oral and a1 for EXPRESS CHINESE! niceee. loves nanyang!!

okay. so the more i thought bout it. the more i convinced myself. note the word. CONVINCED. that rj was the school for me:
1. i always wanted to be a rafflesian. wanted to go rgs with 262 just didnt put it as my choice cos i didnt know the cutoff was so freaking low for our year!!
2. i LOVE GREEN. and hence the uniform.
3. its a new environment. not the same old nanyang chinese high friends i already have.
4. its more ENGLISHY.
5. away from the CHINESE HIGH GEEKS. ahaha. oops
i guess the last reason was the MAIN REASON i went there. as in 2nd last reason 4!! boys are just. secondary la. and chinese high boys are nice after all! =D
so yea.
im the RADICAL NANYANG GIRL WHO WENT TO RJ.

i was freaking unhappy on my 1st day in rj. cos my orientation group was just. =X yea.
boring. all GEPERS. like eeks. i thought most rjians were like that.
couldnt wait for olevel results to come out so i could get my ass out of rj and into HC. just oculdnt wait to FLY TO HC each time the bell rang. crashed like crazy.
and i didnt really like rj. even tho i had a GREAT TIME there and made great friends and i LOVE MY CLASS 07SO3e!!!!! just that. i couldnt accept rj with an open heart.
cos. my heart only had space for one school. HC.
deep down. in the back of my mind. i kept thinking. HC's better. in terms of notes. friends. EVERYTHING. sigh. so yea. if i had learnt to accept what i had. i'd prolly be happier in rj.

and for those in rj who knew me. i guess towards the end u could see my moodswings. i'd be happy one day and moody the next 2 days. cos i reeeally didnt feel i belong to rj. save for ronald ang fellow chinese high boy. haha. i couldnt adapt to the rafflesian culture. it was too cold for me to handle. cos nanyang was too warm and closeknitted. so yea.

and then another blow. perhaps the biggest was my SUCKY OLEVEL RESULTS. i screwed english up. b3. cos i wrote out of point. argumentative essay wasnt my forte at all and i JUST HAD TO WRITE THAT! from a 7 to 9 points. i couldnt accept it at all. plus nanyang papers were MORE DIFFICULT THAN Os. and most pple score better for OLEVELS. omg. so yea. UPSET.

then i got posted to AC.
omg. BIG BLOW #2.
my 4th choice. i didnt want to go ac at all. cos i guess my elitist mindset told me ac wasnt good enough cos it wasnt top 5. i cried the moment i knew the result when i was in rj. sigh. i thought my future would be ruined. as in A levels cos i knew ac didnt have a good mugging environment.

so yea. a SAD, SULKY, DISCONTENTED girl in ac.
i didnt have any friends there at all. save for xizhi and jayce. sec 4 classmates who were. MOST FORTUNATELY! CLASSMATES AGAIN IN AC! they really helped me tide thru this most difficult point of my life. everyday.
i just wanted OUT.
i didnt bother making new friends.
i didnt bother whats going on in lessons.
and life just spiralled DOWNWARDS.
to the point it got SO BAD. my parents, friends like monica and genevieve all GOT WORRIED.
i wasnt myself anymore.
the cheresa who loved to talk.
the cheresa who was so extroverted, noisy and crazy.
GONE. i didnt talk at all. went home straight after school. and cried alot when i got home. almost on a daily basis. much to the chagrin of my mom she was on the brink of sinking into depression too. sigh. i didnt know i'd ever suffer from depression but i did.
my parents wanted to send me to a psychologist. not that im nuts or what. just that the adverts on newspapers advise. and i seem to have all the symptoms. they just couldnt watch me being so upset everyday. it was too heartwrenching as a parent.
but in the end. my auntie got help from a church friend. the bishop. he's really nice. he studied pyschology and teaches it in the john hopkins university in singapore.
and is a therapist too. so i started going for counselling sessions with him much to my objection. cos i didnt believe that talking bout my problem will make it go away.
talking bout it wont change the fact im in AC. so yea.
but i just went to give it a shot. and for the sake of my parents and auntie who were all so very worried bout me.

so from march to june. i just lived life like a living zombie. with no direction. no tomorrows. just cant wait for each day to pass quickly. it was HORRIBLE. a living nightmare.
and i really appreciate the people around me who've been so supportive:
my parents.
my sister. cheryl.
monica for always being there.
genevieve for being so concerned.
rachel for calling me and writing me that letter.
majun.
and many others im sorry if i didnt name you guys here.

so in june. i've got a one mth break from sch. and sch seemed to be making me sad. i just didnt want to go to sch. and during this time. i took time to recover i guess. i didnt know how i did it. but it just happened. felt much better when i went back in july.

being happier. i naturally talked more and made more friends.
ALOT OF FRIENDS IN FACT!
even pple from other class!
most of my classmates just hang out with each other cos they dont know many pple outside class. not that its a bad thing. just this whole AC culture that pple just keep to themselves.
i only knew pple from my class.
it was only till i know shiyan, xia and chris(polo) then i got to know the whole gang. shawn lai, reena, ashley, jotham, mengqi, vannessa, MARC MALONE and many more.
i not only became the cheresa i always was.
i became NOISYER. and CRAZIER. and LOUDER.
and some pple werent used to this drastic change.
many thought i was attention seeking. but hell no. i dont need to seek attention with such lowly ways.
i was just BEING MYSELF.
i guess like some of my friends said. it was like a way of making up for loss time. for the time i didnt talk much. or didnt talk at all.
and being much much HAPPIER from july onwards. i obviously would talk more and be loud unconsciously!!!
and monica's aunt said that people who recover from depression. usu bounce back TWICE like some wiring's gone wrong. haha. =X just an expression la. like they'd be much happier and extroverted than before.
nothing bad i guess.
ting ting hypothesized that too.oh yea. thanks for being there for me when i was sad in ac. you helped me alot. even tho thru those small actions like talking to me when u saw me in sch and keeping notes and updating me on schoolwork.
i really appreciate it! =D

okay. enough bout my long story bout how i found my love for ac.
and MY LOVE IN AC. haha. YOU! 8)
yea.
so home is where my heart is.
and ac is indeed a home away from home.
i'd never trade the world for it. not even for a chance to be in hc.

even tho i visit hc ALOT now.
it isnt cos i wanna make up for not being in hc.
but rather. i just like hanging out with my good friends who ALL HAPPEN TO BE IN HC. so its just a convienient meeting point.
i hell not go there cos im a HC WANNABE. HELL NO. i dont wanna be a hc wannabe. although thats what i felt when i crashed while i was still in rj.
now i VISIT hc to visit friends. but my hearts definitely in AC.

not many pple who knew me from july onwards actually know bout this.
so yea.
i guess now they'd understand me better.
=D

i love being the happy kid i always was again! =D
gonna visit rj soon!
CANT WAIT!

A NEW BEGINNING.

2006-10-04T05:29:00.000-07:00

CHAPTER ONE.
hello blog.

IM BACK.

screw those people.

they are still trying desperately to find a penny to call someone who actually CARES bout their existence.

oh wells.

what can i say.

cheresa loves blogging!
CHEERS TO BLOGGING!

OH WELLSSssS

SCHOOL. thats what its all bout.

FREEDOM

A NEW BEGINNING.